Two Ways to Fight Bullying At Work

This may seem counter-intuitive. Hear me out on this.

Extreme Honesty is doing and saying what is absolutely honest when extremely difficult.

Today’s news reported an airport worker in Atlanta, Pamela North Hollowaay, who found $7000 cash and turned it into authorities.

Woman finds $7000, turns it right in

Yahoo quoted Ms. Hollowaay as saying “I could’ve kept the money, but I didn’t do that. I’m an honest citizen. I’m a taxpayer, and I believe in doing the right thing.”

George Carlin said it best: “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

According to Mr, Carlin, dishonesty is used when the best approach, honesty, cannot be used. That’s good to know.

The Fine Line: There appears to a very fine and subjective line where sometimes not being totally truthful, if in the pursuit of a higher cause, is acceptable. Did you see the movie Lincoln recently? There are also situations where extreme honesty is the only proper course of action and the backlash for not telling the truth can be brutal. Think Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong.

Extreme honesty can be used to disarm your opponents, who may not be truth telling. A valuable piece of advice, from my dear friend and OD Consult John Madden: “Tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may”. Its old advice, but it can work in your favor. Tell your truth to the right people, make sure they know what’s going on and have the power to help you. You aren’t helpless unless you fail to speak up to the influential people in your support network. Use informal channels, and do it quickly, right at the start of problems. Keep telling the truth. If you don’t get help, well, that’s good to know as well.

Radical Kindness

According to a Psychology Today Article “Are You Brave Enough for Radical Kindness”, exhibiting radical kindness during tense situations can provide a strategic advantage. It does NOT mean being a doormat! Kindness in the face of hostility can:

• Diffuse or Avoid Conflicts
• Enhance Your Reputation
• Get More or What You Want
• Reduce Stress

According to the author of the article, Thomas Plant, PhD

Radical kindness is a serious, purposeful, and may I even suggest, aggressive and high impact effort to treat everyone (and I do mean everyone!) with kindness. It involves going out of your way to be gracious, offer a kind word or deed, and so forth to both those who you know and to those you don’t know.

I remember my Mom, Carolyn, using kindness to diffuse situations, get more of what she wanted, make life better all around. She thought of this as “the easy way” to manage things. It takes guts and sophisticated interaction skills to do this with the grace that my Mom achieved, but she had 81 years of practice.

So there is still hope for me! And for you, too.

I’ve seen it work: if you are extremely honest about what’s going on with the rigth influential people, and are kind to others on an ongoing basis then bullies can be put in their place and leave you in peace.

It doesn’t always work: but it may be worth a try.